Sometimes my sense of humor gets me in trouble. Most of the time, it gets people laughing. Here’s a little something I wrote about an incident that occurred the other day . . . I hope it brings a smile to your face.
We’ve all fallen victim to them. Whether it’s been on a carpet, a seamless wood floor, or the smooth marble of a mall, we’ve all been attacked at one time or another. One moment, we’re walking along, doing what we do as naturally as breathing, and then suddenly it happens. We trip! Then we turn around to look at where we were that split second before to see what was in the way. And we see . . . nothing!
It’s a common phenomenon. Now it has a name: Floor Gremlins. Before now, Floor Gremlins were known to act only in pairs, their chance of success, 50%. However, just as certain strains of bacteria have grown in strength and are now resistant to antibiotics, so now Floor Gremlins have increased not only in strength, but accuracy. And they’ve moved outdoors.
Case in point: last night I was walking back into the house along the even pavement of the walkway and the next thing I knew I was moving headlong into that pavement. In that moment, the memory of my five-year-old grandson throwing his new Frisbee at me with the speed and accuracy of an Olympic champion went through my mind. My hands! I’m going to break my hands!
I fell flat against the pavement, my $200 reading glasses landing three feet in front of me. I laid there for a moment and happily realized that no blood was spewing from my mouth and my teeth were intact. But what about my hands? I rolled over onto the grass and for the second time in my life, saw stars. Then I felt the sting.
My natural reaction had been to stop my fall with my hands - my most precious tool after my brain and my computer. As I lay there, I tried to curl my fingers - just to see if I could. Ah - they curled; then they clenched.
I began to feel the coolness of the wet grass and decided that I needed to get up and go into the house. Upon entering the house, I immediately took four aspirins and got the Boo Bunny out of the freezer. The vein in my left wrist was three times its normal size and the skin on both palms was ragged. With a sigh of relief, I discovered there wasn’t a scratch on my Skagen watch. But my right hand, my predominant hand, was beginning to stiffen. My chest felt like it had been sanded. And I knew without looking, my knees were bruised.
Today, I’m as stiff as an eighty-year-old couch potato. I sat at the computer most of the day and when it was time to fetch my grandson from school, I could hardly get out of the chair.
Let this be a warning! Floor Gremlins are growing in strength and number. They are no longer constrained to living indoors, waiting for the unsuspecting. They are expanding their territory and can be found places never found before. Beware!
